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Life 2.0 - The Silent Wailing

Published 07.06.2022

 

 

As the evening dusk fell,

The feeling turns to hell,

For your lingering silhouette,

Haunts the dining etiquette.

 

As your curses linger,

And I let them live,

Waiting a harbinger,

And a second Eve.

 

Success is tender,

As thin as a leaf,

The craving hunger,

Dry tears at ebb.

 

Death is what fills me,

Like it has always been,

For it is up to Thee,

If my glory will begin.

 

Marred by failures,

A world I disdain,

Soul that fractures,

Made of just pain.

 

I apologize sincerely,

This ain't about you,

You have been clearly,

I've been clinging unto.

 

From the day I was born,

Till the day you're gone,

Those are the numbers,

I will be in your prayers.

 

I missed your blessings,

And even you cursing,

At least I was knowing,

That you were living.

 

The things unspoken,

They will always remain,

Hearts that are broken,

Are there ways to amend?

 

Facial features of a vixen,

Slender body of a snake,

Hearts can easily be smitten,

You've warned me not to take. (you may be wrong)

 

You are born a dragon,

The nemesis to a tiger,

Destined to clash on,

Like you and father.

 

Perhaps a blessing,

That you were gone,

You'll never be accepting,

You will likely lock horns.

 

Things will complicate,

As situation escalates,

People never contemplate,

As they are stuck to fixate.

 

When will be my rising?

I see myself plunging,

Into a deep dark abyss,

You're the light I miss.

 

Though I must give you,

Nothing I could give,

Other than I miss you,

I am deeply in grief.

 

Yet, the last hope I have,

Is the desire for revenge,

I am so so deprived,

For a second chance.

 

This war I must succeed,

Yet The Lord takes no heed,

I must keep on proceed,

Even if the Heavens impede.

 

Imbued with Divine Well,

To decide upon the living,

With words I cast spells,

The power of spelling,

May earth turn to hell,

By my silent wailing.

 

 

 

*Right, I am done writing this poem elegantly. One, I don't have time for this. Two, there are just too many things to convey. Mother, though I love you and always will. Your greatest teaching that could break me or make me is the fear of failure. I remember how condescending and demeaning you are towards father. And how your perception towards failed men...

 

...made me a paranoid and evil husband towards Suzanne during our early years of marriage. Despite Suzanne was very different from you, it took me at least five years to trust and make peace with Suzanne....

 

I want to move on but I can't, I am the monster you create. I am what I am today....

 

...A monster craving for power and I am projecting my insanity towards all direction until I can achieve what I have wanted....

 

I am here to inform you on your birthday that you may never intend to inflict such pain upon me but this is what I feel and this is what I needed to be in order to gain security. I believe you knew it all along too.

My wailing will stop once I reach the pinnacle in life - MAYBE. Today, I am here to seek for your blessings and wish you Happy Birthday, Mother

 

 

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